Positivity
by Fall
Summary: It is easier said than done, but to carry one's burden without complaining, often has its reward in the end. {TrowaHeero shounen-ai, mild angst and sap, one-shot}


Series: Gundam Wing

Pairing: 3+1

Category: Mild angst and sap.

Status: One-shot

Warning: PG-13, shounen-ai

A/N: To my fanfic secret santa recipient (Seshat)-I have long since stopped writing GW fanfiction, but I did my best for this one. I hope you'll like it.

(When I uploaded this to the Fanfic Secret Santa website [], I didn't notice that the marks I've placed as an indicator of where each scene ends, had been stripped off.)

Standard disclaimers apply.

**

"Positivity"

by Fall

He came home to an empty house.

Uttering a little sigh, Trowa laid down the grocery he was carrying down the nearest table. Automatically, he picked up the memo pad lying beside the phone. He sighed again, folded the paper, and stashed it inside a drawer. It was always like this, he reflected, and if ever he wanted to put a stop to this, he could not do so. At times such as this, he would get the urge to call the unit and tell them he wanted to work for them. But then he would remember that his life as a Gundam pilot ended two years ago, and that he was staying out of it for as long as there was no immediate need for him to lend them his services again.

It was certain that he was going to spend Christmas alone again.

That was what the note said. Heero left a hurried scribble that an important duty called him to the Preventers' Unit, and that Trowa should not wait for him. That he should go and spend the holidays with Catherine at the circus. There was no trace of apology in the note, which was short and concise. But that was Heero Yuy for you, and Trowa was used to that for over two years now.

And so Trowa packed his things up for a three-day stay at the circus. He called up Catherine to tell her he was coming to her place for the holidays again, and had to endure her sisterly tirade of how Heero was this insensitive, and how Heero was that bad. Trowa had to quietly remind her that it was not Heero's nature to be sensitive. 

When he arrived at the circus, he let Catherine arrange his things for him. He walked around the grounds, breathing in its familiar surroundings. He smiled bitterly for a moment, and then resigned himself to pitch in with the work being done around. The circus was busier at this time of the year than with the rest put together.

**

"Stop that." Catherine ordered him, dragging him from where he was feeding the lions. "You are here for a visit, and not to work for us. Go, there's a pretty little shopping place down at the city. Go and amuse yourself there."

Since it has never been Trowa's nature to go against his older sister's wishes, he gave in to her wishes and went on his way. He was not that much of a shopper, but at the end of his trip, he was able to buy a lot of stuff.

There was one thing that caught his eye, and this he debated whether he should buy it or not. After all, he thought, Heero does not need anything of the sort. Heero is not materialistic, and he would probably rebel at the thought of having to wear one.

After much debating with the inner voice of his existence, he stepped into the shop and was seen minutes later carrying a tiny parcel that came from it.

**

For the second day, he made himself busy with practicing for that night's show. There was a need for an extra performance, and he had volunteered himself against Catherine's adamant demand that he should do nothing while he was staying with her. But Trowa wanted to do something to distract himself, and he said that their performance of old thrilled the audience-especially the youngsters-that in the end, Catherine found herself relenting. It was how Quatre found him that day, wearing his old costume with the customary clown's make-up. 

"Trowa," Quatre started, not surprised at all with his friend's appearance. He had seen him like this for a number of times, and he thought that the look fitted Trowa in an odd sort of way. "I went to your house, but there was no one there, and well, I thought I might find you here."

Trowa only smiled. "And you guessed right."

They walked in the direction of Catherine's truck without talking. Quatre was thinking of how to bring up the subject of Heero, while Trowa wondered how to appear normal when Heero's name comes up.

"Well?" Trowa prodded his friend. If they have to talk about his situation, then he wanted to have it over and done with as soon as possible.

Quatre fidgeted a little. "You know, you can always come to our house for the holidays." He smiled. "You know, for a change, as Duo always says."

Trowa shook his head. "Thank you, but no." It was concise but it held a lot of feeling underneath it. Quatre understood, and he just gave Trowa a little smile.

"Well, I just thought that you might feel, well, alone, with Heero gone for a mission and all that…" And Quatre trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"I'm fine, really."

"Are you sure?"

"Hai."

After Quatre had left, and Trowa was left alone in the truck, he wondered whether he was really fine at all.

**

That night, the show was a hit. They had the audience requesting for another of their special performance, and the circus master had no choice but to give in to them. He asked if Trowa could do it one more time on Christmas Eve. The latter quietly nodded and the rest of the circus troupe was ecstatic.

'After all', Trowa reflected, 'I have nothing else to do on that day.'

**

Two hours before the performance, Catherine was out, and Trowa had the entire truck to himself. He took out one of the things he had bought two days ago at the city, and wrapped it with a beautiful Japanese paper. He lay the little parcel aside and thought of the next day when he was to go home and give it to the person he loved the most. He sighed in frustration of everything, but he donned on his clown costume without a murmur, put on the clown make-up, and the half-mask.

He took one look at the mirror and spoke aloud to no one. "Well, you never did celebrate Christmas before, and today is no exception-but Merry Christmas to you all the same." His face never changed its countenance, but his eyes betrayed him.

Luckily, Catherine poked her head around the door to call for him just then.

**

The circus troupe held its own Christmas party after their performance. They had the traditional dinner and the customary toast, which Trowa took part of, but excused himself from afterwards. He walked around the tents and sought the company of his favorite animals. He was patting a lion's head when Catherine found him.

"Trowa!" She exclaimed, walking towards her younger brother. She pulled him up and dragged him away, muttering words that tumbled over each other in her excitement. Trowa listened in amusement and could only wonder at what his sister was up to. But then, by the time she'd pushed him into her truck, whatever wonder Trowa had in his mind was immediately forgotten.

"See, Trowa, well…" Catherine beamed, as she pushed Trowa in front of her. "I helped him, he was wonderful, I'm sorry to have kept this a secret from you, but I really wanted to do something for you this Christmas and so…" She hugged him tightly, bade them a Merry Christmas and went out of the truck.

**

Seeing that Trowa did not want to say anything, Heero was the first to say something.

"Ah, Trowa…" He trailed off, not knowing what to say or how to start. It was not supposed to be like this; he had counted on Catherine to say the words for him. Although he was no longer the Heero Yuy who thought and acted mechanically, he still was not as human as Quatre or Duo or Wufei could be. 

So it fell to it that he shoved a little velvet box into Trowa's hands and looked away. The only time he ever looked back at Trowa was when the latter gave out a quiet little chuckle. Heero was perplexed, and thought at first that his gift was not appreciated, but then he had no time to demand an explanation of the chuckling because Trowa pulled him closer for a long and lingering kiss.

When they broke apart to catch their breaths, Trowa shoved his own gift down Heero's hands. The latter could only give his lover an inquiring stare as he tore down the wrapping and saw an identical velvet box within. Trowa reached out, opened up the box for him, took his left hand, and slipped a ring on his finger. Then he closed one hand upon it, and gave Heero a significant look.

Now he understood Trowa's mirth, and he too could not help but give out a laugh: they had bought the same identical diamond ring and had each thought to give it to the other… 

There was no need for words to explain, because they never asked for them, never did have a need for them. But when Trowa said, "Ai shiteru", Heero echoed them and added, "Zutto".

+ The End

Further A/N: Rather a vague storyline (and ending), but I enjoyed writing it. Therefore, I am not going to excuse myself for that. Happy holidays everyone!

Review comments and constructive criticisms are welcome.

Date finished: 19 December 2003

Specially written for: The Fanfic Secret Santa, 2003


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